Nine months
by Natta
Summary: The title says it all, doesn't it? BekaDylan
1. Finding out

Nine months  
  
By Natta  
  
Summary: The title says it all. Beka/Dylan  
  
Disclaimer: You know, I've always liked fanfiction. You know why? Because it's fanfiction. If you don't realise what that word means, you're too dumb to arrest me anyway.  
  
A/N Anyone who can find the reference to "The things we cannot change" earns a gold star!  
  
Month 1  
  
~Dylan~  
  
I knew something was wrong when she didn't want to have sex with me for a week. I mean, nothing wrong with that, but we're both people who like sex and lots of it. Sometimes, it can be everyday. But now as I said, nothing for a week. She says she doesn't feel well, or that she is tired. She seems a bit under the weather, so I dismissed it with a flu or something.  
  
Soon I couldn't believe that anymore, because there was no virus or anything onboard the ship, and she didn't really seem ill, just tired.  
  
'Beka?'  
  
'Mhm?' She is lying with her back to me, like she always does. We have a pattern with that, she would always lie like that, and I would hold my arm around her waist and we'd be really close. Sometimes she would turn around and bury her face in my chest. She doesn't do that now though. Haven't in a while.  
  
'Maybe you should ask Trance to check up on you. You haven't been yourself lately.' She opens one eye and looks at me. Then she turns on her back and faces me.  
  
'Really Dylan, I'll be fine. It's just a little nausea and headache.' I sigh and smile at her.  
  
'Afraid of the doctor?' She smiles back.  
  
'No! Just.well.I.it's nothing really! I'll be fit for fight in no time.' I lie down and she settles in my arms.  
  
'Whatever you say. But if it doesn't get better soon, I'm going to make that an order.' She mumbles something I can't hear and I bury my face in her soft blonde hair and lets the sleep into my mind.  
  
~Beka~  
  
I wake up the next morning and feel the next wave of nausea hit me. It's not that bad really, I haven't even been throwing up or anything and I can work normally. It's just that it won't go away, and it irritates me. Maybe Dylan is right, maybe I should go see Trance. But.no. Maybe later, maybe it will go away soon. I carefully move Dylans arm from me and get out of bed without rousing him. I don't really have to get up yet, I could lie there and just enjoy having this life for a while longer. Dylan and I just got married a month ago and our relationship became.romantic just two months before that. I was a little hesitant to move forward so quickly, but I guess he convinced me. I'm still not used to being called "Beka Hunt". It's so funny and weird, I wonder where Valentine went. Sometimes I miss it, but it's only a name. I quickly get dressed and look at my sleeping husband in the bed. I can't help smiling when I see him. Not that he looks funny or anything, but just the fact that he is mine. I step forward and give him a kiss on the forehead before I give him a small wave with the hand and leaves. I'm going to check on the Maru before my shift starts. When I get there, someone is there already.  
  
'Hello?' I say carefully and a sandy blonde head turns up.  
  
'Oh, hello boss. Super genius Harper here, checking up on your baby,' he says while patting the metal. I roll my eyes.  
  
'Hey Harper. How ya doing?' He shrugs.  
  
'Just fine. Didn't get much sleep last night, but I don't often, so well.' I laugh and give him a pat on the back.  
  
'So, what were you doing, maybe I can help.' I stop and frown. The nausea attack is coming much stronger now, and I guess I'm moaning cause Harper gets this worried look in his face.  
  
'Beka, you okay?' I shake my head.  
  
'I think I have to.' Man, I can't even recognise my own voice. I just make it into the privy when it comes. I can feel Harper step up behind me and holding my hair away while I throw up. When it finally stops, I rest my head in my hands and gasp for air.  
  
~Dylan~  
  
I wonder why Beka is late. She left before I woke up, so it's really strange that she didn't get here in time. The doors opens, but it's not her, it's Harper.  
  
'Hello Mr. Harper, any news?' I say. He's been working on a way to improve the engines, which I don't think is going to work. He scratches his neck and looks up at me.  
  
'Not really. I was just coming to tell you that Beka is in med bay with Trance, but she'll come as soon as they're finished.' He turns to leave, but I stop him with a hand on his shoulder.  
  
'Whoa, whoa wait up! Is something wrong with her?' He looks back to me.  
  
'She got sick in the Maru and threw up. So I just thought I'd take her to Trance for a check-up. I'm sure she'll be fine.' I nod and let him go again.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Beka shows up. She looks really pale, and she's usually pale, so that's really pale.  
  
'Are you okay?' I ask her, from a distance. She nods slightly, and smiles, but the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. I can see there's something she's not telling me. I sigh. This is going to be a long shift.  
  
~Beka~  
  
I have no idea how to tell him. This came as such a shock, and I'm sure he wasn't expecting it. Well, neither was I. Can't believe I was thinking things were moving forward so quickly. Talk about quickly now. I glance over at him, he probably knows something is up, but waits until the shift is over. That makes sense, I wouldn't want to talk about it here. Would feel weird. We decided when we started our relationship not to mix personal life and professional life, meaning if we have a disagreement at work, we shouldn't let it interfer with how we act with each other "at home" so to say and vice versa. I am happy about this, it would get so complicated if we didn't. I see that the shift is over soon, and surprisingly enough find myself dreading it.  
  
'I should be happy about this,' I reprimand myself, 'and happy to tell Dylan.' But I realise that's not what's wrong. I am happy, scared and shocked, worried to fail, but I am happy. It's not what I worry about. I worry that Dylan won't be happy about it. What if he thinks it's a bad idea? We did talk about it earlier, and decided it was not a good idea until the commonwealth was completely restored and things had calmed down. Maybe in a few years. Now it's not in a few years, this is now. The doors open and Tyr shows up.  
  
'It's my shift now,' he mumbles. I nod and leave as quick as possible, trying to get away from the Dylan, but he catches me right outside.  
  
'Where do you think you're going so quickly?' He catches my lips with a soft kiss and my lips melt at the feeling, they still do after so many kisses.  
  
'Would you like to go have dinner with me mrs Hunt?' I smile at him and nod. Although my stomach does not feel like eating, I guess I'll have to now that I'm eating for two. Gah, that sounds awful, let's not think of it that way! Our walk there is quiet, if Dylan knows something's up he's not pushing the matter anyway.  
  
'So, how are you feeling now?' he asks, referring to my nausea and headache.  
  
'A bit better actually,' I say as I take the spoon and put it into my mouth.  
  
'I heard you threw up this morning.'  
  
'Yeah, disaster waiting to happen, I guess.' I flash him a smile. When am I going to tell him? This is so much harder than I thought.  
  
~Dylan~  
  
This has been a long day, and Beka hasn't quite been herself. That counts for now too. It's evening and we're going to go to bed soon. Right now, I'm sitting on the couch and she's got her head on my lap.  
  
'Dylan, do you want to have children?' she asks suddenly. I look at her, a bit surprised that she would adress the matter.  
  
'Yes, of course I do, someday.' She looks straight into my eyes.  
  
'Define "someday"' I smile and ruffle her locks tenderly.  
  
'Well, it's so much right now with the commonwealth. Raising a child now, I don't think that would be a good idea. But of course I want children, maybe in a few years or something.' She doesn't look happy at all anymore.  
  
'So.you don't want kids until in a few years.' I frown and look at her. It's not like she's been eager to have kids exactly.  
  
'Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying. Beka, what.' I see a pained expression flash on her face before she gets off my lap and walks to the window, looking out at the stars.  
  
'We haven't got that time. We've got a little more than eight months,' she says silently. I want to slap myself as realization hits me. The nausea, throwing up, going to Trance, asking about children.of course! I walk up to her, turn her around and encircle her in my arms.  
  
'I'm so sorry Beka, so awfully sorry,' I whisper while rocking her in my arms, 'of course I want this child.' I hear her crying softly and as my own feelings settle down, I can only feel happiness at these wonderful news.  
  
~TBC~ 


	2. Gettting used to things

Nine months  
  
By Natta  
  
Summary: The title says it all. Beka/Dylan  
  
Disclaimer: The usual.  
  
A/N I'm sorry I haven't written for so long, I had a minor writer's block on this one. So I'm really sorry!  
  
Month two  
  
~Beka~  
  
Things are back to normal now aboard the Andromeda, it was slightly chaotic here when the news first came. Trance was so happy about it, you could almost think it was her having the baby. Harper was happy too I guess, but I don't think he really understands it yet. He says he can't picture me as a mother, and I must say I have a hard time too. Tyr was, well, Tyr is Tyr. To him breeding is the whole point of a relationship so I guess he's happy in his own way, although he's not very likely to throw a celebration party. Dylan is really excited now that it's actually happening, all thoughts of having a hard time raising a kid while restoring the commonwealth and fighting numerous enemies are gone with the wind. And me? Well, I'm happy I guess although I haven't fully comprehended it yet. Hard to believe that I, Beka Valentine are to become a mother. I wonder what daddy would say if he knew. Or Rafe. I laugh a little at that, but maybe I should find him, telling him the news. Oh well, we'll see. I bet he still isn't over the shock of mine and Dylan's marriage. Actually, this whole parent thing would be great if it wasn't for the pregnant stuff. The morning sickness doesn't stick to be morning sickness, it's more like this all-day sickness. I can't slipstream either, I get all dizzy and much sicker when I try and it really pisses me off. I can't count all the times I've told Dylan that he can carry the baby next time and it's only been a week yet. Well, two weeks, but we've only known for one.  
  
My thoughts are interrupted by someone entering the room. I don't have to look around to know who it is and my suspicions are confirmed when my hair is stroken aside and soft lips touches my neck. I smile and tilt my head to the side to give him better access. Suddenly he stops and I turn to him.  
  
'How are ya doing' I ask, pulling him down to sit next to me.  
  
'Mhm,' he say tiredly. 'I just spoke to Harper about those enhancements.'  
  
'He getting anywhere?' He sighs and shakes his head.  
  
'No. I hope he'll give that up soon.'  
  
'Dylan! You know that if anyone can do it, it's him!' I gently slap Dylan's head, feeling that I should support my friend.  
  
'Ow! Yeah, but the problem is, I don't think anyone *could* do this. It's a futile project.' His tone gets softer and he puts an arm around me, pulling me closer. 'How are you feeling? Any better?' I look up at him.  
  
'No, not really. But not worse either.' He strokes my hair and kisses me gently. I lean into the kiss, but doesn't let it get too deep. It's been that way lately. A little hugging and kissing is fine, but my stomach turns just by the thought of moving further.  
  
I break the kiss and lean my forehead against his. I smile gently and he returns it.  
  
'Maybe it's time we go to bed?' he asks. I nod and prepare for yet another night of insomnia.  
  
~Dylan~  
  
Three weeks now. That's how long I've known about the baby and it should be enough time to adjust, but it's a lot harder than I imagined. Still when I look at Beka, I can't believe that our child is actually inside of her. It's way too unbelievable and weird. And yet, I feel this jolt of happiness when I put my hand on her still flat stomach, although it hasn't started to move and won't in a long time. Just the knowledge that it's there is more than enough for me. I hope she eats enough though, she's never been a heavy eater, and now worse than ever. She claims everything makes her sick, and I don't doubt for a second that it's true. My heart aches when I feel her toss and turn, and moan at night and know there's nothing I can do. I wish I could carry the little one, or take her pain, but of course that's impossible. So all I can do is hold her, comfort her and try to make sure she has everything she needs. I've heard that pregnant women often has something that they can't get enough of, like chocolate or oranges. I was trying to make out what Beka's "craving" was for an hour. That ended with her groaning and tiredly smacking me in the head, telling me that the only thing she really wanted was to get a sedative and sleep through the rest of the pregnancy. So I guess there isn't really anything she wants to eat. I look over at her, she's trying to eat some dinner. I've finished mine a long time ago, but I have a feeling she hasn't really eaten anything at all.  
  
'Beka,' I say gently, getting her attention. She's picking with her fork in the food, reluctant to put it in her mouth. I have chosen some food that doesn't smell anything at all, since smells makes her want to throw up. Seems like she still doesn't really feel like eating.  
  
'Yeah?' She says simply, looking up at me. I tilt my head to the side and sigh.  
  
'You haven't really eaten anything, have you?' She looks to the side and cross her arms over her chest.  
  
'It's not so easy.' I rise and walk around the table. When I'm at her side, I lean down and sit on my heels.  
  
'Why don't you just try it, maybe it will make it better?' She looks at me with a disbelieving look but forces herself to pick up some rice and hesitantly put it in her mouth. She swallows it, but doesn't really look like she feels better.  
  
'Try to take some more,' I say gently and she complies. Maybe it didn't make her feel worse anyway. After a few times, she puts her fork down and looks down, breathing laboured.  
  
'Beka?' I ask, pulling away a few locks of hair that blocks her face out of my sight. Her eyes are clenched shut and her breathing is labored. Suddenly, she gets up and runs away with her hand covering her mouth. She didn't get that far though, but ended up throwing up on the floor. I was there with her through it, holding her hair away and then holding her tight when it was over.  
  
'I'm sorry,' she whispered. I cast a glance on the mess and stroke her back gently.  
  
'Don't worry about it baby,' I whisper back in her ear, 'I'll get one of the bots to clean it up. Besides, I'm the one who should be sorry, I made you eat that.' Her face snuggles closer to my shoulder and she leans into my embrace, her whole body relaxing against me.  
  
'Come on,' I say, rubbing her back, 'let's get you to bed.' She moans and pulls further into my embrace. I gently pull her up in my arms and she leans her head against my chest, half asleep already.  
  
'Rommie?' The hologram pops up and looks at me.  
  
'Would you mind getting one of the bots to clean this up?' She smiles at me.  
  
'Not at all,' she says and blinks out of existence. I carry Beka out of obs deck and toward our quarters.  
  
'Hey, you can't fall asleep yet, we're not even there,' I laugh at her. She opens an eye.  
  
'Sorry, I don't know why I'm so tired all the time,' she says and yawns. 'Thanks though for carrying me.'  
  
'The least I can do,' I say. 'And you're pregnant, that's why you're tired.' She groans.  
  
'Remind me that I hate being pregnant.' Then her eyes close and her head falls back again. When I turn around a corner, I bump into Harper.  
  
'Hey,' I say quietly and he smiles, then looks at Beka.  
  
'Uh, is she sleeping or what?' I look down at her. She looks like it.  
  
'I dunno. Beka?' No answer. 'Yeah, she is.' Harper nods slowly and walks around me. I smile slightly at his confusion, don't think he's used to this yet. I tap in the code for our quarters and walk in. The doors silently open and I put Beka on the bed, proceeding to carefully remove her clothes and then cover her with a blanket. I smile at her sleeping form and suddenly my heart is filled with happiness and love at the sight in front of me. My wife, and soon-to-be child. I lean forward and press a kiss on her forehead. She makes a small content sound and moves to lie on her side. I quickly dress off down to my boxers and slid down beside her. I fall asleep, smiling.  
  
~Beka~  
  
I wake up in our bed, can't remember how I got there though. I look at the clock and see it's only six in the morning. Have a feeling that I won't go back to sleep though. My head is throbbing like hell and my mouth is dry as a sheet. I make my way out of bed, although my whole body protests as I do. I pull a blanket around me and go to get a glass of water. As I try to drink it the sickening feeling returns and I quickly put the glass away before sliding down to the floor, taking deep breaths. I sit there for a long time, don't know how long but finally I manage to rise again and get back to bed. It is not long before the alarm goes off. I still want to work as usual, but Trance says it won't be long until I have to stop completely.  
  
'Good morning,' Dylan says and gets out of bed. I follow him quickly, feeling a little better today. Fifteen minutes later, we leave our quarters, heading for command.  
  
We get there and are very surprised when no one is there.  
  
'What the hell is this,' Dylan mutters, 'who is supposed to be here now?'  
  
'Tyr I think,' I answer, 'maybe something happened?' We don't have any time to speculate over that, because suddenly they jump out from different hidden places.  
  
'Surprise!' They yell and I jump, startled. Everyone is there, even Tyr although he doesn't yell of course. Trance goes up to me, a big smile on her face.  
  
'We just thought.we haven't really celebrated the baby and.well we thought we'd surprise you.' I smile widely, happy that they would do this for us.  
  
'It's great,' I say, 'I'm so happy that you took the time and everything.' They all look happy, even Tyr has a hint of a smile on his face. They start pulling out hidden balloons and other party stuff, but all I can think is that I'm grateful for having so great friends.  
  
~TBC~  
  
Meliy: Good chapter. Write more soon.  
  
Natta: Thanx  
  
StarTraveler: Cool story. please continue  
  
Natta: Sure I will  
  
Nsane1: Wow! I thought that was a great chapter. I don't really ship for Dylan/Beka anymore because of the way Dylan's portrayed on TV, but I love the way you're writing Dylan and I like him being married to Beka! I can't wait for more!  
  
Natta: Thanks for the good feedback and I hate the TV Dylan, but I like fanfic Dylan.  
  
Iara: Aw, So cute! Beka and Dylan with children! ^-^  
  
Natta: Child, Ash, child. Lol, just kidding.  
  
D. Lerious: Awesome! I liked how you switched POVs :)  
  
Natta. Thanx, I like switching POVs as it gives some perspective to the story.  
  
MaryRose: Oh, please, do go on. I am such a B/D shipper and there aren't enough stories out there IMO.  
  
Natta: No, there should be a lot more.  
  
EyeCandy: OH SURE! Leave me HANGING! It's good! Keep going! PLEASE  
  
Natta: lol, this doesn't have a cliffie anyway.  
  
Casper: I like it! Please write more soon. Thanks  
  
Natta: Yeah, am writing.  
  
Dragonmyst: Wonderful start. I am looking forward to the remaining months :)  
  
Natta: Still seven left.  
  
Unadrieniel: Ahh! Dylan, Beka and a little Bless! Waiting for the next installment!  
  
Natta: lol, little bless, that sounds so cute!  
  
Parisindy: cool  
  
Natta: Thanx  
  
Diana: Great start! Please continue soon ! I can't wait to see what you write next.  
  
Natta: Time to wait again. 


	3. Sleeping month

Nine months  
  
By Natta  
  
Summary: The title says it all. Beka/Dylan  
  
Disclaimer: What do we know? In another universe maybe Andromeda belongs to me. How can we know this fic exists.How do we know?  
  
~Dylan~  
  
I wake up the usual time in the morning. Beka is still sleeping so I carefully slip out of bed not to wake her. I go to do all stuff I do in the mornings, shower, get dressed but she's still not awake.  
  
"Sleepyhead," I whisper and smiling presses a kiss on her face. She's so cute when she's sleeping. Her shift is at lunchtime and so is mine so I don't wake her up, instead going to the gym to play some basketball. Not much to my surprise, Tyr is already there.  
  
"Where is your wife?" he asks when he spots me. I get the dig in it, but pretend that I don't. I've hardly ever left her alone for a second since we found out about the pregnancy.  
  
"Sleeping," I say, grabbing the ball and throwing it at him. He grabs it and takes the challenge.  
  
"Didn't the two of you turn in early last night?" he asks me while trying to score. I stop him while answering.  
  
"Yeah, well I stayed up for a while but she went to bed, why?" He raised one eyebrow.  
  
"It's ten o'clock. She would have been sleeping for more than twelve hours, maybe you should wake her up." I frowned, I had no idea it would be that long.  
  
"Well, Trance said stuff like that could be expected, but I'll ask her." I throw the ball on the floor and goes to hydropondrics. Trance is there as usual, watering the flowers.  
  
"Hi Dylan!" she says happily when I enter the room. I smile at her.  
  
"I was just going to ask you one thing, Beka's been sleeping for thirteen hours now, do you think I should wake her up?" Trance doesn't even look at me, she just continues watering the flowers.  
  
"No." I shake my head. I will never understand that girl. She speaks again. "Well, maybe you should wake her up and try to make her eat and then let her go back to sleep."  
  
"So.does she need a lot of sleep, because she will kill me if I try to take her off duty?" Trance finally turns around and looks at me with a big Trance-smile.  
  
"You know Dylan, the body of a pregnant woman is amazing, because it always knows exactly what it needs. Some women have been known to eat the weirdest things, like mortar, and then you know the body needs it. If she sleeps a lot, then I'm sure she needs it. But try to feed her." I nod, going out and back to our quarters. "Try to feed her." Now that is easier said than done.  
  
~Beka~  
  
When I wake up, I don't feel very rested and an awful smell reaches my nose, making me want to hide under the covers. Ok, it's not that awful, but it's food. Dylan's going to feed me again. I have to admit, sometimes I do feel hungry, but as soon as the food gets closer, I just feel like throwing up.  
  
"Good morning," a soft voice says. I moan and hide my face in the pillow. "What's the time?" I ask.  
  
"It's ten fifteen," he answers and my eyes pops open.  
  
"What," I exclaim, sitting up. My head starts to spin at the quick movement and Dylan eases me down again.  
  
"Trance said that's completely normal and that you can go back to sleep again after you've had something to eat."  
  
"Why am I not surprised?" I mumble, reluctantly taking the spoon and putting some of the soup into my mouth. The first one is ok, it's actually good. On the second, the sick feeling is returning and I take a few deep breaths. It gets better, maybe this will actually work.  
  
This time I get half the way through the bowl before I feel a jolt of nausea in my stomach. Dylan just has time to lift the bowl away before I jump out of bed, running for the bathroom. I have tears in my eyes when my stomach is emptied again.  
  
"Damn!" I exclaim, "it was so close this time." Dylan comes in, sitting down next to me.  
  
"It's okay Beka," he says, "you'll be all right." I look at him and fight back my tears. Of course he is right.  
  
"How are you feeling?" he asks. I think a little before answering.  
  
"A little sick. Tired." He nods.  
  
"Wanna go back to bed?"  
  
"Uh huh." He steadies me on the way back, a little unnecessary, I can still walk, but nice nevertheless. When he puts me down and covers me with the quilt, I suddenly remember something.  
  
"My shift! I have to go to command in less than two hours," I exclaim and struggle to get up, but Dylan holds me down.  
  
"I officially remove that shift from your schedule. Trance says you should do as your body tells you and if it tells you to sleep, sleep." I give him a warning glance.  
  
"Dylan Hunt, you are not taking me off duty when I'm only, like two or three months along!" Ok, I can't even hold track of the time. Not a good sign. He laughs and tilts his head to the side.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not going to take you off duty. You just get shorter shifts and in times where it fits you ok? What do you say you sleep now and then come to command when you wake up?" I nod and my head fall back on the pillow. It is very tempting I must say.  
  
~Dylan~  
  
"I wonder if it's a boy or a girl," Harper suddenly says and all of us look surprised at him.  
  
"Gee," Beka says and giggles nervously. "I don't know if I want to think about that just yet."  
  
"Harper is right," Trance says, "have you even started thinking about names?" We look at each other.  
  
"No," we say simultaneously. Actually, we haven't even started to think about that.  
  
"It will feel much more real if you do," Trance said sententiously. I nod.  
  
"Yeah, I guess. Any ideas?" No one. "Anyone?"  
  
"I guess not," Beka said and laughed. "We're alone at this little one," she says and puts her hand on her stomach.  
  
"I most certainly hope so," Tyr mumbles. Beka blushes, realizing what she just said.  
  
We didn't talk much more about names.  
  
~TBC~  
  
D. Lerious: Poor Beka! :( How sweet for them to throw a party!:)  
  
Natta: Yeah, I see that as something they would do (they are sweet)  
  
Melissa37: Good chapter. Write more soon,  
  
Natta: kk  
  
Iara: This was a fantastic chapter. Please continue soon.  
  
Natta: ooooo believe me I will.  
  
StarTraveler: Great chapter thanks for continuing.  
  
Natta: Always continuing lol.  
  
Keri459: wow, this is like my favorite ff posted right now, post month 3 , dont leave us hanging.  
  
Natta: HEY! Everyone, I'm a favorite! Lol, here's month three so there. 


	4. and not

Nine months  
  
By Natta  
  
Summary: The title says it all. Beka/Dylan  
  
Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, would you believe me?  
  
Thanks to: Mary Rose, for helping and nagging.  
  
Month four  
  
~Dylan~  
  
If last month was sleeping month, this month really is not. Beka isn't eating or sleeping, well she tries but it just won't work, and to be honest she looks like a ghost, pale and thin. She's constantly running to the toilet to throw up, but nothing ever comes out, she's just wrecking as if she is going to and then it just ends with her spitting in the toilet. It drains her of the little energy she has and I often find her crying simply because she's so tired. It breaks my heart and I just want to take the pain for her, make it go away.  
  
I never saw her cry before, maybe on one or two occasions, but she was never much of a crying person, now it's several times a day and every time it's so heartbreaking you just want to die.  
  
I'm walking towards our quarters now, going home after command duty. Beka's already there, she finally consented with leaving duty. Although she told me a million times it's only until she feels a little better. When I find her, she's lying on the bed, her eyes closed. I feel a little leap of joy in my heart, did she finally find the peace to sleep? But then her eyes pop open and I can see she's only resting. I look her over. This was not how I imagined my pregnant wife. I had always imagined her stomach would grow, but she's a lot thinner than she usually is, and for the first time, I'm afraid that we might loose the baby. I think she notices my looking cause she looks really sad as she watches me. I feel the guilt hit me, after all it's not her fault she's so scrawny. She relaxes her head against the pillow as she watches me. I walk up to her and kiss her lightly.  
  
"Been getting any sleep today?" I ask and she snorts.  
  
"Make a wild guess," she says with the tough-woman-attitude but I can sense how vulnerable she's feeling and that her voice is cracking.  
  
I lie down next to her, uniform and all. My hand strokes her bony waist and I feel the muscles relax under my touch. I kiss her hair lightly and is about to do it again when she turns around.  
  
"You know, it's Harper's birthday next week. Maybe we should plan something." I had thought I'd ask Trance to take care of it, wanting to be with Beka as much as possible, and not imaging she could help. I suggest that and she frowns.  
  
"Yeah, I guess that's a good idea," she says, "but I want to help too, even if it's just planning and stuff.  
  
"I'm going to make us some food," I say and get up from the bed. Even though she can't really eat it, I try every day, even though she hates throwing up. I guess somehow I'm wishing some nourishment is staying in her. I feel her warm gaze on my back as I walk away and I smile.  
  
~Beka~  
  
I feel like I'm going to be such a wreck on Harper's birthday tomorrow. I'm tired enough as it is, not having slept in weeks and a party...I'm not sure I want to go. But I guess I can always go back home.  
  
"If I can walk that far," I think ironically, the longest I have walked in a while now is back and forth to the bathroom, well I've mostly been running I guess. All the way from the obs deck, I'm not sure my legs would carry me. I sigh. Well, Dylan will go with me anyway.  
  
I'm sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall. Just sitting up for a change, I always lie down. It's night now, and Dylan is coming up to me and helps me dress off, then puts me under the covers and slides down himself. I see him looking sympathetically at me, knowing it will be another sleepless night. I snuggle into him and he runs his hand up and down my arm, trying to soothe me. I close my eyes, trying to relax, but the nausea hits me and I clench my eyes shut and breath heavily. I wish Trance could give me something against the nausea but she says it would hurt the baby, and now for the first time I feel angry at it.  
  
Two hours later, after I have been tossing and turning in bed, not feeling comfortable in any position, I just sit straight up, burying my face in my hands. I just want to run but there's nowhere to go where I can escape this. All I know is I can't be lying still there. I hear Dylan sitting up next to me and I try to stifle a sob, but fails. His hands rests on my shoulders, and he starts kneading the flesh. I let out a small moan as he slowly massages my shoulders, then move down to my arms. When he starts carefully moving his hands at my stomach I feel the nausea disappear and the overwhelming tiredness hit me. I fall back against Dylan's arms, fast asleep.  
  
I wake up late the next morning, Dylan has already left but he has left me a note at his pillow.  
  
Beka, I'm so happy that you could sleep last night. I didn't want to disturb you, so I made you some breakfast and left it here. It's at the bedside table. I will see you when I get home tonight.  
  
Love, Dylan.  
  
I turn around and see the food tray. The nausea makes itself reminded when I feel the smell, but I try to ignore it, picking up a piece of bread. I practically force it into my mouth, and before I even know what happened, I'm at the toilet, emptying my stomach of its contains, which is nothing but that little piece of bread. I stumble back, but don't make it the whole way and instead sink down on the floor, resting my back against the couch, I'm even too tired to climb up on it. It feels like it's been hours, and well, it has been hours when Dylan comes back in. Without a word he picks me up and puts me back on the bed, his wonderful hands again starting to work on my shoulders, and I feel the blissful sleep hit me again. Maybe I won't go to Harper's party after all, is the only thing I think as sleep hits me again and I welcome it with open arms. 


	5. What now?

Nine months  
  
By Natta  
  
Summary: The title says it all. Beka/Dylan  
  
Disclaimer: You know, I can't be bothered.  
  
~Beka~  
  
I can't do this anymore! I get out of bed, frustrated walking around in the room, ignoring the nausea. At least I'm not lying there. Dylan wakes up and looks at me.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I woke you up." He gets up and puts his hands on me. Annoyed, I shake them off. "Don't. Please don't touch me." I know he's only trying to help, but his hands on me make it worse. I don't want massage anymore; it doesn't help me a bit. His hands drop to his sides and he stands without moving. This month I've been able to eat some since I don't throw up anymore. I'm not sure if that's good or bad since I feel worse when I can't throw up. It's like I get some of the pain out, now it's all bottled up.  
  
"Would you like to take a bath or something?" Dylan asks softly. That's him. Always ready to help. I can't help it when I yell at him.  
  
"No! I just want to be left alone!" I pull a robe around me and walk out of the room. I just can't take any more of this helpfulness.  
  
A while later, I'm walking around in the same way, this time in the Maru. I keep feeling as if to throw up but I can't. I look at my stomach.  
  
"Damn baby," I mutter, "I can't even see anything." And I can't. I'm supposed to be showing! Damn...I hate this. I play with the thought of grabbing a knife and ramming it through my stomach. Killing the baby, and me too. That would be nice. But still...no. I can't. Can't kill us. But maybe...I am scared at the thought that pops up in my head. But maybe...  
  
~Dylan~  
  
Beka's really moody, and not in the same way she were before. Then she was sad, in need of comfort, now she doesn't seem to want me around. I try to remember she's in so much pain and it really isn't hard. I know she's vulnerable, and she's still crying but she refuses my help. With heavy steps I walk to command, hoping she'll be there. While she doesn't want me to take her off duty, she often doesn't show up for the shifts. I know why and I respect it. She's feeling too bad, I just wish she'd stop going altogether and tell me. I don't like her running around the ship and not knowing where she is.  
  
Suddenly, she appears in a corridor. She doesn't look angry anymore, but small and vulnerable, and I want to take her in my arms, but I know all touch is making her sick. She's dressed now, so I guess she's been in the Maru.  
  
"Dylan," she says in a small voice, "I need to talk to you, alone." I look at her concerned, and put an arm around her. Strangely enough she doesn't object.  
  
"We can go to my office," I say and she quietly goes with me, her face pale and head hanging. When we get there, Beka asks for privacy mode and then heavily sits down, not meeting my gaze.  
  
"This is going to be hard to tell you," she starts and I sit down slowly. What has happened? She looks up at me, tears in her eyes.  
  
"Dylan, I want an abortion," she says. At her words I almost jump in my chair, staring at her. I swallow deeply before answering, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat.  
  
"Beka, I know it's been hard, but abortion?" She nods. "Have you been thinking through this?" She nods again. I sigh.  
  
"Well, I guess I can't stop you." She looks at me desperately.  
  
"Dylan, please understand! I can't eat, not well anyway, I can't sleep! I'm supposed to be showing, but I'm thinner than before it started! The chances of miscarriage are big anyway!" I hear her words but I can't listen. The only thing I hear is that she doesn't want the baby. She wants to remove it. I swallow deeply.  
  
"Beka," I say calmly, "I think we should talk about this, it's not only your decision. It's my baby too." She looks desperately at me.  
  
"It's my body Dylan, my body that has to take all this abuse! I can't take it anymore! Besides, Trance said that if I have a miscarriage, my body can be permanently damaged. I could be paralyzed!"  
  
"Beka the chances of that happening..."  
  
"I know Dylan!" she cuts me off, "I know they aren't big! But...I've fought this for almost five months. I'm just not ready to continue!" I shake my head, this can't be happening.  
  
"That's right Beka, you fought this for so long, and you've done very well. But are you going to give up now, call this time wasted?" She nods and suddenly looks very vulnerable again.  
  
"Yes," she whispers. Suddenly all the anger runs off me. How can I be angry with this poor woman that I love?  
  
"I'll go remove all the baby things from our quarters," I whisper. "I'll see you tonight."  
  
~Beka~  
  
He doesn't think I can see him, but I do. I see him over there...he's sad. I have to tell him. I walk in, my legs shaking. He looks up with that sad gaze in his eyes.  
  
"Welcome back honey," he whispers. I sit down heavily and look at him. "How did it go?" he asks. I shake my head.  
  
"I didn't do it." His head jerks up.  
  
"What?!?"  
  
"I didn't do it. I couldn't. It's still here." His face all becomes a big smile.  
  
"I love you Beka."  
  
"I lo...I think I have to throw up."  
  
~TBC~  
  
Issi: This is good...i really am enjoying how you describe what Beka's going through.  
  
Natta: Thanx...I was beginning to think that this fic could be replaced with a big FEEL SORRY FOR BEKA EVERYONE! Maybe you like it...  
  
Mary Rose: Great update. Now more. LOL! I'm not too demanding, am I?  
  
Natta: [sarcasm] No of course not Mary. You never nag me. Not here and not on ssu. Especially not in the Bekaneer faction. [/sarcasm]  
  
Emma-Kitty: I feel so sorry for her! I don't think I'm ever having children! I hope everything turns out A-okay! Update soon, please!  
  
Natta: Awwww I'm sure if you ever get pregnant your pregnancy won't be like Beka's!  
  
StarTraveler: Great chapter  
  
Natta: Thanx  
  
Ccabello: Good chapter. Write more soon.  
  
Natta: kk 


	6. Brace for slipstream!

Nine Months  
  
By Natta  
  
Summary: The same  
  
Disclaimer: Shut up.  
  
~Month 6~  
  
~Dylan~  
  
I look at Beka and smile. She is sleeping. She has been now every night for a week. She's still sick, but she can eat and keep some down, and she can sleep. Something else too. Her stomach is growing. I'm so happy about it I don't know what to do, but after being so thin for so long her stomach is now bigger than when we started, still not as big as it should be by now, but it looks good. Healthy. She has also demanded to get on duty this morning as she is feeling better, so I gently and regretfully rouse her from her sleep. Her beautiful eyes blink open and she smiles at me.  
  
"I feel so rested," she mumbles as she leans in to kiss me. I savour the taste of her, I haven't exactly been spoiled with kisses lately.  
  
"You know you can still change your mind about going on duty," I say, hoping she'll want to sleep longer. She shakes her head eagerly.  
  
"No! Harper had that slipstream enhancement ready today, I want to be there when it's tried out!" I sigh. I had almost forgotten about that slipstream enhancement. It was supposed to take us quicker and more exact to the places we wanted. I hope it will work anyway.  
  
~Beka~  
  
I smile happily as we walk to the bridge, although the sickness is there I feel good. True that, if I hadn't been pregnant, I'd view this as feeling like hell, but as it is now, this is paradise! We get to the bridge. Harper is there and his grin grows wide when he sees me.  
  
"Boss! You're here! Feeling better?" I smile and hug him.  
  
"Yeah a lot actually." We haven't met now in almost a week as Dylan has kept me in our quarters, not wanting me to ruin my now better condition. Harper notices the little bump on my stomach and grins as he pats it.  
  
"So cute boss! Mommy soon huh?" I smile and poke him.  
  
"Yup, and you better not tease me about it, I might be pregnant but could still beat you down in a second." We tease a bit back and forth, and it really feels great to be back and actually doing something else than just being sick. I could never joke with Harper because I was feeling to unwell.  
  
"So," Dylan says and clears his throat, "are you going to show us this new enhancement."  
  
"It's all done," Harper said, "you can just try it out." I jump down in the slipstream chair, happy to be back but immediately feel Dylan's arm on my shoulder.  
  
"Sorry honey, but no slipstreaming for you," he says, "it's bad for the baby." I sigh and nod.  
  
"Ok, ok." I stand up and step aside, waiting for him to take the seat.  
  
~Dylan~  
  
I sit down in the chair. I'm very excited about the enhancements. It will be interesting to see how they turned out.  
  
"Brace for slipstream," I call out, more from habit than actual need to do it. When we start, I can immediately feel the difference.  
  
"Dylan! Stop!" I hear Harper calling from behind me. Very worried, I break the slipstream as quick as I can and look behind me. Beka is kneeling on the floor, moaning, Harper is trying to hold her up.  
  
"Quick Dylan! I think she's going to have a miscarriage!" I jump up, my heart beating in my chest.  
  
"Beka!" I whisper. "We have to get her to medical!"  
  
It doesn't take us long to get to med deck and when we get there Beka is almost unconscious. Trance immediately starts treating her, asking us to leave. I walk out of there, my heart beating in my chest. Will all this have been in vain? Will we never have a baby? Harper looks guilty.  
  
"It was all my fault," he whispers, "I'm so sorry Dylan."  
  
"It wasn't your fault Harper," I answer as I feel a tear rolling down my cheek. "None of us could have known."  
  
I walk back to our quarters. I can't really work now, I'm too worried. I walk in and as I see the baby clothes, things and the cradle we already put next to our bed I start to cry. Will this dream never come true?  
  
I sit there until midnight, when a new month starts. 


	7. Unbearable waiting

Dylan

I haven't been able to sleep for the last few days, and I feel like a ghost. Trance won't tell me what's going on with Beka, and that alone means it's bad.

"It's all my fault," I say to myself. "I should have realised the new engines would affect the pregnancy."

"Dylan, Trance wants to see you in medbay," Andromedas disembodied voice said. I don't think I could have got there any faster if Harper had managed to perfect the "beaming" technology.

"What's happening?" I said, out of breath. Trance looked at me uncertainly.

"Well…the good news are, we have managed to stabilise her condition. She's not dying." I breathe a sigh of relief.

"And the bad news?" I say. Trance looked away.

"Well…" she said, "I don't have a clue what's happened. She seems to have extensive internal damage, but I can't figure out where and what." I look at her, laying on a bed, and the thought strikes me.

"Trance," I say distressed, "will she lose the baby?" Trance shrugs.

"I don't know Dylan," she admits. "Right now, I'm not even sure whether we'll lose her." I look up at her.

"But," I say, "you said she's not dying!"

"I know," Trance explains, "she's not getting any better either. I've stabilised her temporarily, but if I can't find a way to treat her, the risk is that she'll die." I feel like sinking down on the floor and crying, but I can't do that.

"Can I talk to her?" I say in a shivering voice. Trance shakes her head.

"I'm sorry Dylan. I can't wake her up at the moment." I nod, eager to get away. I don't want her to see me cry.

I come back to our quarters, tears already running down my face. I see the crib and, without thinking, kick it hard against the wall. I move about, ripping down the baby mobile from the ceiling, kicking the toys.

"Stupid baby," I rage, "it's all your fault!" I quickly correct myself. I want this baby. I love this baby. I want them both to survive but… if I had to choose… I'd save her.


	8. Waking up

Beka

The world is spinning and I can't get a grasp on anything. Where am I? What's going on? The thoughts are bouncing off the emptiness in my mind, the one I'm struggling to make sense of. I can see, but my vision is severely blurred and I'm not sure what I'm doing.

"Eeekaaa?" I hear a voice and strain my ears, trying to concentrate on the voice. I can feel myself slipping when suddenly I feel as though I've been boosted and my vision clears up.

"Trance?" I say, and nearly flinch at the weakness of my own voice. She looks at me with mixed worry and relief.

"You're going to be fine Beka," she reassures me. I frown.

"What do you mean? What's happened to me?" She looks uncomfortable.

"Something about the new, enhanced slipstream engines wasn't good for you. I'm still not sure what happened, but you're awake now, so you're defenitely on the rebound." Her words don't sound very assuring, and I'm not at all satisifed with the answer.

"Trance...what about the baby?" She smiles at me.

"Oh, the baby's still fine. We'll be able to restore both of you to full health, don't you worry?" I'm still not sure she's telling me everything.

"Trance...you're lying to me." She looks innocent.

"No I'm not. Why would I ever lie to you?" I try to sit up, but the pain in my head makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. Trance walks over to me. "You better get some sleep," she said quickly, and before I can stop her she's injected me and I fall back into oblivion.

Dylan

As soon as Trance informed me Beka had woken up, I hurried to medbay. I ran in and saw Beka still laying on the bed with her eyes closed. I feel confused.

"Trance...I thought you said she was awake." The purple girl walks up to me with a worried look on her face.

"She was." she says in a serious tone. "I had to sedate her again." I frown.

"Why?"

"She was asking about her condition, and I can't answer any questions. All I know is I don't want her getting worked up or anything, so I told her it was going to be fine." I feel like my hearts falls to the floor. I thought now that she was awake it would be fine.

"Won't it?" I say in a small voice. Trance looks uncertain.

"I don't know Dylan," she admits, "I still don't have a clue what's happening to her body. She keeps getting better and worse all the time, and I can't seem to isolate the problem."

"Could I speak to her?" I don't want to plead, but there's a certain element of begging in my voice. Trance hesitates for a moment. "Maybe it would help," I add, desperate to convince her. "Maybe seeing me will make her feel calmer."

"Oh, ok then," Trance agrees. She walks up to Beka and injects her with something. Beka stirs slightly and her beautiful eyes open. I stride up to her and leans slightly over the bed.

"Beka?" I say gently. "It's me, Dylan. You don't have to be afraid. You're safe now." Beka looks at me. She looks so tired, worse than a couple of months ago, when she never slept.

"Dylan?" she says, and my heart stings when I hear how weak her voice is.

"Yes darling," I answer her.

"Am I dying?" I shake my head.

"Not if I have anything to do with it, you're not," I smile at her. She manages a weak smile back. "You've been unconscious for over a month now though."

"That long?" She looks alarmed and I shush her.

"Yes, but don't worry. Trance will patch you up and you'll be just fine." She looks tired and I stroke her hair gently. "But don't worry. You go back to sleep. It'll all be ok. Beka closes her eyes and I leave medbay with a bad feeling in my gut.

It'll all be ok. I wish I could believe that.


	9. The loss

Beka

I wake up again, but this time I feel a lot worse. My head is pounding horribly and I feel like an elephant is trying to escape my insides. I remember waking up several times, always with different time intervalls, anything from a couple of hours to a couple of weeks. I wonder how long it's been this time?

"Trance?" I call out, but nobody answers. I try to lift my head to look around, but I still can't see her. "Trance?" I call in a louder voice, which makes me cough. Still no answer.

"Andromeda?" I call out. The AI appears.

"Beka! You're awake. I'll get Trance for you." She disappears again, but I can't wait. I need some water, and I need it quickly. I inch myself off the bed, and gasp when I feel how stiff my body is. No wonder really, I've been laying there for two months now. I try to walk, but my feet feel like two stones, and I have to go really slowly. I realise too late that they can't carry me and I fall to the ground. I remember thinking falling over's never been so painful before everything goes back to black.

Dylan

Beka tried to get out of bed today, and I don't know why. Apparently it's caused her condition to deteriorate, and Trance is worrying. She can't wake her up now. I haven't left her side since it happened. She's looking so pale.

"Dylan?" Trance's soft voice takes me by surprise.

"Yes?" I'm desperate for news.

"I think you better get some sleep," she says. "You've been here now for two days now." I shake my head vigourosly.

"No!" I say quickly. "I want to stay with her." Andromeda pops up.

"Trance is right Dylan," she says, sounding concerned. "you're no help to Beka if you're a tired wreck." I was forced to agree. I might be of use later when she wakes up again.

"Dylan! Dylan!" Andromeda wakes me up and I nearly fly out of bed.

"What is it?!? Has something happened?!?"

"It's Beka," she says, "she's getting worse!" I nearly fly to medbay, where Beka's laying, looking paler than ever.

"Come on Beka," I whisper, "you can do this." Trance is running frantically, and all I can do is keep out of her way.

"What's going on?" I ask. Trance looks up at me.

"She's having a still birth," she states bluntly. "What with her current state, her body can't handle it." I feel like I've been stabbed. Not only am I defenitely losing the baby, I might be losing both of them. Trance's voice rips me out of my thoughts. "You'd better leave Dylan. I need space to work." I won't argue with her and back out, sitting outside, waiting.

It seem like ages before Trance comes out. I look up at her hopefully. The news that come to me hit me like a flash.

Nine months ago I didn't even know the journey that was laying in front of us. It's all gone now. Our baby was going to be born in only a few days. I was going to have a family.

I don't have a baby now.

And I don't have a wife.

Beka...is dead.

The End


End file.
